Almost 25 years ago I lost almost everything...........

My husband took my life our 2 babies, our home,  All I had after that Christmas day of 1985  (the day the divorce became final) was a car, a black and white TV , 8 months of sobriety last but not least a wakie friend Anti Jane.She too had gone through an ugly divorce,  although fairing better financially as I am/was the  "Blond".

The best part of being lost was finding a new friend...

That first Christmas in sobriety was unbearable but for some reason Gods miracle sisters  decided to save all of the "newcomers" from a drunken Christmas. Yea, we chose to worry about someone else rather than wallow. so we had The First annual Little Yellow house 24 hour Alk-a-thon. With junk food from the local 24 hour gas /mini  mart with meetings, music and whatever else we could think up. It was the first time I had ever

experienced an chocolate hangover. At the time I was under the impression I was this self-piting, shallow, blond and my guru, Jane whom had 15 days more sobriety than I, was my rescuer.

It never occured to me that we saved each other while trying to save someone else. But then I was new and had not experienced the 12 th step untill that Christmas.

Fast forward 4 years.............

God knew what was in my heart before my head....

I had been transferred to a town I did not want to live in to work with people I did not know, for a drop in pay. waaa, poor me, once again my life really sucked . So my secret to cure loneliness was workaholism. I was  walking  down the mall corridor, after my lunch break (while going on my 10th hour for the day) and I happened upon Santa and children sitting on his lap. I stopped and stared at the happy little scean while the little ones giggled as photos were being snapped. As I began to trudge back to my not so happy destiny, I realized tears were rolling down my cheeks, but the weird thing was there was not a conscious thought that created the emotion. Chalking it up to exhaustion of retail of Christmas time, I ran outside to smoke half a cigarette, praying to God I could make it two more hours, then I could go home and crack up.

Once I got back on the floor I was ok, but there was still this ache in my chest. After ringing up a customer with a particularly difficult sale the phone rang. "Rare Discovery" I answered, expecting the boss for a till reading. "May I speak to Zan?" an 8 year old replied "Ben is that you baby?" "Hi Mom! hay can we spend the night with you?" I was very confused as my children lived in Eastern Oregon and I was in Tacoma. "What do you mean sweety , where are you?" "Dads new girlfriend lives in Seattle and we are at Dennies by your work. Can we?? " The tears came again but the ache in my chest was gone .

I had worked my way into forgetting how much I missed my two little boys. But; God knew. Yes God knows what is in our hearts and knew beyond a shadow , I was being told indeed to always remain in readiness.

January 5 2010

I know that I am sober today because my mom prayed for me.

My Husband has lost his mother on this day, (Harlan) I do not think I have ever seen anyone act with such grace and class as he. Yes I know what it means now to be filled with grace. He just puts one foot in front of the other ... I also know a lot of people have been praying for him this week

Kathleen E. from Al-Anon is truely filled with grace as well come to think of it. When I was at the very depth of despair, one son in Iraq and another with cancer (we called it the black friday that would not end) she took time to call on Christmas morning a few years back to wish our family prayers. ( She just called Harlan a few minutes ago to make sure he is ok. )That is how I want to be when I grow up!

I know my sons got through their tough times because a bunch of you all prayed for them. Marshall R. sent a huge prayer list for both sons and it went aroud the world. We e-mailed it to my son in Iraq and he showed it to his buddies. Many did not know anything about AA but my son explained it to his buddies and who knows, maybe a life was saved. I know he was proud to be an AA brat that day.

Do you need someone to pray for you? Write about your prayer in the guest book and I promise... Prayers will be prayed!!!

Prayer list